We’re taking a deep dive into a heartfelt conversation between myself, Donna Kendrick, and my husband Jim Guillen. We’re sharing our experiences about the challenges and triumphs of parenting and career changes after the loss of a spouse. We’ve both been through significant life transitions and have unique insights to share about rebuilding and thriving in both personal and professional realms. Our hope is to provide some wisdom and comfort to those who might be navigating similar paths.
Embracing Change Through Life Transitions
Jim and I made substantial sacrifices in our careers to prioritize taking care of our children and supporting each other through our respective career changes. During these transitions, I vividly remember having candid discussions with Jim about our future and what would happen if life threw us another curveball. Our philosophy of being prepared for life’s unexpected bumps has kept us resilient and ready for whatever comes next.
Picking Up the Pieces: Parenting Through Widowhood
Both Jim and I met after experiencing our own versions of widowhood, each with three children. We wanted to discuss how parenting roles evolved before and after the loss of a spouse. Using myself as an example, I realized how drastically my parenting style shifted following the death of my husband. Initially, I adopted a strict approach to parenting, especially when we lived abroad, where formality and discipline were a constant part of our lives. However, after my husband’s passing, a switch flipped. With the stress of loss, I allowed more leeway for my children, understanding their need to adapt to the changes around them.
Gradually, as I began transitioning back into a career, I realized the importance of re-establishing structure at home. This was crucial to ensure that the household ran smoothly, even when I wasn’t physically present. It was a challenging yet rewarding journey to balance career demands with maintaining a semblance of order and responsibility at home.
Blending Families with Empathy and Consistency
When Jim joined our lives, he brought a layer of fun and consistency that my children needed. His way of parenting, based on mutual trust and accountability, helped the kids to learn the importance of self-discipline. Jim treated my children with respect, allowing them to make their own decisions and face the consequences. This approach helped them grow into responsible young adults.
Our blended family benefitted greatly from mutual understanding and empathy, partly because all our children had experienced the loss of a parent. Their shared experiences created a bond forged in empathy, helping them understand and support each other through difficult times.
Redefining Rules in a New Reality
It’s important to acknowledge that the rules that governed life before such significant changes don’t need to apply afterward. Moving from abroad to a tight-knit community in Northeast Philadelphia meant adjusting norms and expectations. This flexibility allowed us to adapt and grow with the changing dynamics of our family and environment.
Being Kind to Yourself
If you’re going through similar experiences, remember to give yourself the freedom to adjust and redefine the rules as necessary. Changes in parenting styles or easing up on expectations are not indicators of failure. Rather, they are necessary adaptations to new life circumstances. Life after loss can be a continuous journey of learning and growing, and that’s perfectly okay.
Final Thoughts
In closing, Jim and I want to reiterate that experiencing loss doesn’t mean you have to navigate the journey alone. Support systems, whether through family, friends, or communities, are invaluable. As you embark on your next steps, remember, it’s okay to take a step back, breathe, and recalibrate your plans. You are stronger than you realize, and with time, life does get better.
Thank you for joining us on this reflective journey of Widow, Wisdom and Wealth™. We hope our story provides some comfort and encouragement for those facing similar paths. Tune in to our podcast for more insights and shared experiences. We appreciate you being a part of our community.
